I am a big girl who has recently re-discovered my Wii Fit that my husband got me several years ago.   I was quickly reminded of reasons I used to get annoyed at the product.  When you step on the balance board to perform your exercises it says, “Ow”, in a tone that makes it sound like it is saying, “ouch”.  I have a massive inferiority complex and to me it is saying, “ow, even though I am an inanimate object your fat ass is hurting me”. The software also weighs you and measures your BMI.  When it calculates mine, it plays it’s little ditty then says, “That’s obese”.  Thanks Wii.  I had no idea I was fat!  Whatever would I do without you?

While I remembered those quirks from previous usage, it didn’t take me very long to find new reasons to become annoyed at the wii fit.  Last Tuesday was my first day, and because our original Wii had been struck by lightning and we had replaced it I had to re-install the software and set up my cgi persona and preferences.  There is a place in the setup where you must choose a trainer, male or female, and I chose the female trainer and worked out for 1/2 an hour or so.  Wednesday I did the same, and Thursday I got busy and didn’t do it.  Friday evening I stepped up on my balance board and a message popped up.  “Too busy to work out yesterday Alyson? You must work out every day if you want to achieve you fitness goals.  I hope you were active in  other areas.”   That part I was fine with.  I knew I deserved to be chastised for my lack of commitment.  However, when I went to do my exercises the male trainer popped up and said, “I am filling in today, I hope that’s okay?”

It wasn’t okay, and it caused a lot of questions to enter my head.  Why does SHE get a day off and I don’t?  Because she’s skinny?  And just what is she doing that is so important?  She’s animated for crying out loud.  Did she have a date Wreck It Ralph or something?  Did she check a computer virus?  Did she have to pixelate her hair? Perhaps she was having plastic surgery…….

I skipped again yesterday because we had all-day plans.  Maybe later this evening I will step on, be chastized, get called a fatty, and get to catch up with my trainer.  If her body and hair look the same and she looks healthy, I’ll ask her how Ralph is.  That is if I’m not in too much trouble for missing my workout yesterday.

 

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No, No, No

January 2, 2009

Sorry for the lack of recent posting.  Wii got a Wii.  Which lead me to the Christmas night proclomation that my family needed to go to “wiihab”, which led me to singing, “They tried to make us go to wiihab………” a la the Amy Winehouse classic, which lead me to forraying into songwriting, only to discover that it’s already been done.   Anyhoo, it is my extreme pleasure to give you my version of, Wiihab.  Remember, stealing is a crime, (unless you’re Weird Al, in which case we’ll talk) with a spare hour and an online rhyming dictionary you can write your own song.

Wiihab

They tried to make me go to wii-hab but I said ‘no, no, no’
I’m on a small break nursing a bad case of Wii tennis elbow

I ain’t got the time and if my family thinks I’m fine
They’ve tried to make me go to wii-hab but I won’t go go go

I’d rather be at home all day
I need to bowl seventy more frames
Cause there’s nothing
There’s nothing you can teach me
That I can’t learn from my new CSI game

Maybe I don’t have alot of class

Cause getting beat makes me act just like a jackass

They tried to make me go to wiihab but I said ‘no, no, no’

Yes I’ll be back but when I’ll come back I don’t know know know
I ain’t got the time and I know that I’m not fine
You can try to make me go to wiihab but I won’t go go go

The man said ‘why do you think you here’
I said ‘I got no idea
My family says I need therapy
just cause I created a mi to look like bon jovi

For my old life, I have no zest,
and my house is starting to look like a rat’s nest

They tried to make me go to wiihab but I said ‘no, no, no’
On the hubby’s hunting game I’d like to kill me a real nice doe, doe, doe

I play all the time, my fave’s, Price is Right
I like to come on down to contestant’s row, row, row

I don’t ever wanna work again
My pro status, I must defend
The most I’ve done in 2 weeks
Is this here song which I just now penned

For days I haven’t seen the outside
And thanks to wii online my scores can go worldwide

They tried to make me go to wiihab but I said ‘no, no, no’
Yes I’ll be back but when I come back you’ll know know know
I ain’t got the time and I know that I’m not fine
They’ve tried to make me go to wiihab but I won’t go go go