Of Boys and Stench

April 26, 2015

I spent 4 hours today cleaning my 12 year old son’s room.  (YES, I made him help).  4 HOURS!  I’ve seen things that can’t be unseen.  I’ve smelled things that can’t be unsmelled.  Febreeze didn’t even help, which leads me to believe the commercials where people are in blindfolded and put in the middle of stinky rooms and say they smell tropical breezes and whatnot are complete BS.  It was smell, which I can only describe as eau de boys locker room, that was drove me to issuing the cleanliness ultimatum.

Yeah, I used to be OCD and my house was clean.  All the time, hell or high water, it was clean.  Then, when my kids were very young, I entered a physically demanding profession where I worked 6 days a week, and often 60 hours a week.  Suddenly making sure my home was spotless was no longer important.  It was more important to spend my minimal time at home with my kiddos.  When I changed professions and cut back to a 40 hour low stress position I dreamed of what I would do with my new found free time.  I would have an extra 20 hours a week and an extra full day at home.  However, the reality was my kids had taken up sports, and they are darn good at most of them.  They have been asked to be on various all star teams which require lots of time.  Also, the declining health of my grandparents meant I needed to help out with them more.  Since I was already accustomed to living in a messy home, I continue to do so.

Here are a few things I “learned” today while “helping” (AKA doing 90% of the work) in the lair of a preteen boy.

  1. It is possible to work side by side for FOUR HOURS with my son without using lots of profanity.  Even when I really wanted to.  Even when I realize that under his bed is hiding a gazillion candy wrappers.  Even when I realize that under his bed lies many, many pounds of unworn folded clothes that will now have to be re-washed and folded by yours truly unnecessarily.  My other son (age 9) says he has been praying for me to quit cussing, so maybe it’s working.
  2. A lot of crap can hide under a bed…..and behind a dresser.
  3. The phrase, “So that’s where that went” is uttered by said preteen A LOT when you move a bed, or dresser.
  4. I will get my money’s worth from the garbage pick up service this week.  3 bags full came from that room!
  5. The boy kept complaining of having no shorts.  We found them all.  Now we just have to launder them all.
  6. Speaking of money, we found around $30 worth.
  7. If I am finished with the laundry that came from that room while Obama is still in office I will be pleasantly surprised.
  8. The boy has been suffering with allergies.  I think I know why.  Dear God the dust!
  9. The indoor/outdoor cat we assumed was peeing outside exclusively was also most likely using a throw rug in my sons room.  (I know, gross!!)
  10. I’m scared of what we will find when I muster the courage to clean his closet.  (Which will be soon).
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