February 5, 2008

Last Wednesday, when I took my driving and drug test for my new job, I also had to fill out a ridiculously lengthy medical questionaire.  It had about 70 questions, and I was tired, stressed, and hungry, but I tried to answer them to the best of my ability.  

I honestly answered the question regarding if I had ever been hospitalized overnight by bubbling in “more than 2 years ago” on my scan-tron sheet, even though I knew that a broken arm in 1987 was probably well past their statue of limitations.  I answered the question about suffering from blackouts honestly, as I had one episode during my second pregnancy.  As I bubbled in my answers, I knew that my honesty might cost me, but that’s just how I am. 

The next day, as expeted, I recieved a phone call, asking me to clarify my questionable answers.  I had to explain my recent surgery (a tubal ligation), and defend my answer about how many sick days I had taken in the past year, as the interviewer wasn’t aware that tubal ligations were outpatient now.  I recounted the blackout episode, where I had probably just gotten up too fast from the examining table, and my overnight hospitalization, which occurred over 20 years ago.   My reasoning behind my answers was understood, and I was approved.  

Today I feel guilty.  I left off one important affliction that I seem to be suffering from.  I haven’t been properly diagnosed, nor do I know if such a condition exists, but I believe I am suffering from I Don’t Give A Shit Syndrome, or ID-GASS. 

I believe I have had this condition for quite some time, with the first episode ocurring a dozen years ago during my senior year of high school.    Since then I have suffered occasional outbreaks, ususally during times of excessive stress or burnout. 

Sometimes my symptoms will only affect one area of my life, such as school, work or church, and is usually resolved when I change something in my life, or just learn to suck it up.  However, this time is different, the ID-GASS was brought on by the fact that, because I have a new job, I no longer care about this one.  AT ALL.

 I don’t want to do anything.  Anything I tell ya.  I haven’t managed to make it in on time in a week.  “What are they gonna do, fire me?”  I ask myself, as I dawdle around the house until 15 minutes after I should’ve left. 

When I do manage to arrive, it gets worse.  There’s stuff I could be doing, but I would rather write this, or blog surf, or read a book. 

I know that during my final 2 weeks, I should be a better employee.  I can see that my boss thinks so too, but I can’t help it, I have an affliction.   

With ID-GASS everyone suffers.    

I hope that the new job is a cure for the ID-GASS.  If not, I’m prepared to file a medical claim when my new insurance comes into effect.  I just hope they don’t find this blog and declare my condition “pre-existing”.  

13 Responses to “I Have ID-GASS”

  1. You’re good! I didn’t see it coming!

    I call it a “healthy dose of apathy” and say I need one when I get too caught up in meaningless stuff. You my have gotten an accidental overdose, but I’m thinking it will wear off.

  2. What a terrible (but hilarious) affliction! I have suffered from this many times. I wonder if there’s a medication for it– like ID-GASS-X or something.

  3. Alyson Says:

    @ Julie: I like that name. I’m sure I got an overdose, but I do think it will run it’s course.

    @ moonbeam: LOL. I kept thinking of GasX every time I would type ID-GASS.

  4. talea Says:

    I’m not alone! I believe I’ve suffered from this since somewhere around Grade 11 and it gets worse each and every year.

  5. alyson Says:

    I think so too. ID-GASSers unite!

  6. Wendy Says:

    Thank you for putting a name on this. I’ve always wondered what was wrong with me, now I know I’ve got ID-GASS!

  7. Allison Says:

    I love it. Is it possible to have ID-GASS envy?

  8. Alyson Says:

    @ Wendy: You’re quite welcome. I’m glad to have given you such an accurate diagnosis. Buck has a competitor for fradulent internet MD.

    @ Allison: I suppose so, but with a little effort, you too could get ID-GASS.

  9. Red Says:

    aaaaahahahaa! Funny funny!
    I gots the ID-GASS, too . .

  10. alyson Says:

    Maybe it’s the Kentucky water…………

  11. Pammy Girl Says:

    I have this syndrome ALL the time which is why it is difficult for me to get excited about looking for a job. I apply at places I know I am qualified for because the places where I actually want to work aren’t all the confident in my abilities. So I go on these interviews and I find myself in the midst of a panic attack, terrified that they’ll offer me the job and I just won’t give a shit.

  12. indianamatt Says:

    You’re lucky they didn’t ask about BJOS (Bon Jovi Obsession Syndrome) I can just see you clarifying that one.

  13. Alyson Says:

    @ Pammy Girl: It’s scary to want something, but at the same time, not want it. I did that when I was offered this job. I thought my current employer would be upset. When they weren’t, I was relieved, but a little upset.

    @ Matt: LOL. I thought about asking what’s the latest I would have to work, as I have a pre-existing commitment on April 24th.

    I need to see if the insurance covers “Bad Medicine”.

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