You Don’t Bring Me Panties Anymore

December 23, 2007

During the celebration of my 30th birthday, J asked if we had time to go to Gander Mountian.  Brian replied with something to the effect of, “Sure, I need some new camo panties”.  Ever since that amusing statement from Brian, J has made it his personal mission to find some camo panties to present to Brian. 

He has been relentless in his quest.  One attempt almost resulted in him getting evicted from Target.  It’s a sad, sad world, when an employee asks if they can help you and once they find out what you are looking for, they refuse to do so and tell you that you should, “just go somewhere else”.  Furthermore I would like to inform the employees at the Target in Marion, IL that just because a grown man who appears to be shopping alone is looking for camo panties, doesn’t mean he’s a sicko. 

The next attempt took him into Victoria’s Secret.  I told him that if he spent double digits on a pair of panties that would never be worn I would never forgive him.  Fortunately for me, his attempt was futile, as Victoria’s closet doesn’t include camo. 

After nearly 2 months of searching, he finally found the coveted undergarments, at the local Wal Mart, for under $2.  He was so proud of himself. 

Later that evening when I turned down his sexual advances and he complained about it, I told him that maybe, if he would stop buying panties for my friends, my male homosexual friends at that, he might get some.    

Brian got his panties Friday night, when we gathered to exchange holiday gifts.   He refused to model them though.

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9 Responses to “You Don’t Bring Me Panties Anymore”

  1. David Says:

    I smell a class-action suit against Target and their employee. 🙂

  2. Red Says:

    hahaha! Funny.
    I worked at the Carhartt factory up here for several years, and we always joked that they should make the Brown Duck material into panties.
    That didn’t go over very well with management.


  3. Ha! Brian is so influential! Great post!

  4. Brian Says:

    Jess is so thoughtful! I tried them on as soon as I got home, and I must say I looked pretty hot. 😆

    Merry Christmas!!

  5. cowgalutah Says:

    I should have known that it would be wal-mart. ha ha ha.
    (((hugs))) Happy Christmas!!!

  6. Paul B. Says:

    Wal-mart… everything you don’t find anywhere else and all for 2 bucks..

  7. Alyson Says:

    @ Dave: LOL. J later said he should’ve reported her.

    @ Red: Carhart panties. LOL. Warm and toasty.

    @ Moonbeam: He certainly is. I had most of this post written for a week, but didn’t want to spoil the surprise for Brian. Thanks.

    @ Brian: I’m sure you did. I’m sure they complimented your skin tone well.

    @ Cowgal and Paul: Who’d of thunk it, they were right under our noses the whole time. The whole experience wouldn’t have been the same without the whole bit about getting evicted from Target though.

    Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.

  8. Allison Says:

    I’m surprised that Victoria’s Secret didn’t at least carry pink camo panties…perfect for hiding out in The Limited Too (probably not a good goal for a grown man though.)

  9. Alyson Says:

    LOL. I hadn’t thought of that. This was the 15th of December though, so maybe all the panties were picked over.


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