Dear God, Make Me A Bird…………

November 26, 2007

Remember that part in “Forrest Gump” where Jenny prays to God saying, “dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far far away”?  The youngster says this prayer repeatedly, while pining for a better life than her abusive, drunk father can provide for her.  Right now, I feel like Jenny.

 J’s older daughter, her boyfriend and her 4 year old son have recently returned from Ohio.  They moved there on a whim, and lived there for 2 months with another family.  Things went south, as they often do with un-related families living together, and they are now back in Illinois, flat broke, staying with one of her relatives about an hour from us.  His daughter wants to eventually settle in around where we live, so her “grandma” that she is staying with recommended she and her boyfriend come stay with us for a few weeks in order to look for jobs in our area.  She gave them transportation to use, and offered to watch the kid for a few weeks.  All that was left was for us to agree to grant them the use of our house. 

I feel like I was put on the spot, in a major way, by her grandma.  It was a case where I didn’t want to say yes, but I knew that as a step-mom and a Christian, I couldn’t say no.  I feel sorry for them, but they brought all of this upon themselves.   She refuses to keep a job, and when they do have money they spend it on gambling, junk food and restaurant dining.  All things I don’t or rarely spend money on because I prefer to have a roof over my head.  She is only 5 years younger than me, and the boyfriend is older than me.  There’s also a shaky history involved.  Without going into too much detail, she tried her darndest to make sure the first 5 years J and I were together were miserable by starting rumors of adultrey, calling me horrid names, to my face, and having other women call our house to hit on J.  This was all after we were married.   

Eventually my Christian morals won out, and they are taking up residence later this week.  Thank God I finally got on some anxiety meds.   

It’s going to be a big change, for all of us.  I’m having to kick one of my kids out of their room.  I’ll have to feed 2 more adults.  I’ll have their crap strowed all over the house.  For someone with OCD, it’s very dramatic. 

They said 2 weeks, but I know there’s no possible way they can be on their feet that soon.  Neither of them have jobs, and they have no money.  I told J that if it lasts longer than a month, one of two things will happen.  A:  We wind up in divorce court.  B:  Someone leaves in a body bag.  I am sick over this whole thing.  I feel like a black cloud is following me around, and they haven’t even gotten here yet, but I know keep telling myself that I’m doing the right thing.

Last night we were on the way home from Illinois and it was pouring down rain.  We were within a mile of home when a tire blew on our minivan.  This morning J was on the way to work, stopped behind some traffic, when a teenager (who we know) rear-ended his truck.  Hard.  This resulted in him hitting the dash with his knee, which is already in need of replacing.  He was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and her car was totaled.  He’s been released, and will be off work for a few days.   

I’m scared to ask God what else he intends to throw on us, so I’ll just ask him to “make me a bird, so I can fly far, far far away”. 

9 Responses to “Dear God, Make Me A Bird…………”

  1. Brian Says:

    Girl, I wish I could grant you that wish. You’re at least going to need some angel’s wings and a halo over the next few weeks, especially with Christmas coming.

    I’m glad J is okay.

  2. Alyson Says:

    Thanks. And feel free to invite us over anytime you want, as often as you want, so that we can get away. LOL.

  3. Brian Says:


    Are you sure you want to leave them home alone? 😛

  4. Alyson Says:

    Hmmm……not so much. Although by then I may be willing to take my chances. I’m going to get a long distance block put on my phone. Better safe than sorry.

  5. Red Says:

    Aw, hon .. you can come to my house. There is sanity here .. well, uhh .. kinda sorta sanity. I be an OCDer tooooo! haha! Anyhow, The big Man upstairs won’t give you more than you can handle, you know that. And what He does give you is for a reason, one that you probably dont know right now. It will all be okay. It will work out in the end, and if she was living with me? I’d be putting her butt to work in the house!
    Im sending you happy thoughts Alyson!!

  6. Alyson Says:

    Thanks for the happy thoughts. I’m gonna need them!

    I keep telling myself that God won’t give me more than I can handle, but I’m starting to wonder.

    I don’t know if I can give up control enough to put her to work. I have to have things my way. LOL.

  7. s. Says:

    I don’t understand this lifestyle and it makes me very sad and depressed to see that others suffer its consequences.

    Can’t we shoot for a higher spiritual plane?

  8. I definitely want to read more soon. BTW, rather good design you have at this site, but how about changing it every few months?

    Abigail Cliptown

  9. Abby Watson Says:

    Wow. Every time I see the words “Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far, far, far away from here”, I think of the song Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd, as well as the scene from Forrest Gump where young Jenny (Hanna R. Hall) prays with Forrest (Michael Conner Humphreys) in the cornfield for a better life away from her abusive father, who would secretly sexually abuse her and her sisters.

    Thankfully for Jenny, her father was arrested and she was able to live with her grandmother (which made Forrest happy). 🙂

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