Till Death

October 5, 2007

In telling me about his impending divorce yesterday a co-worker of mine uttered this statement about his soon to be ex-wife, and the mother of his 2 children; “One more trip to the lawyer’s office and I’ll be through with her”.

He’s a nice guy, and a good father, and the divorce has been been nasty, but still, I couldn’t help but laugh a little at his statement.  I told him, ” you will never be “through with her” because you have 2 children together”. 

Since I’ve only been married once, I’m hardly a divorce expert, but after serving 8 years as a step-parent, I know a thing or two about blended families.  I told him that My husband and I spent last weekend with his ex-wife, and you’re never through with the ex.  Your kids will continue to have school functions, extra-curricular activities, doctor visits and birthday parties which will require you and your ex to be in the room together and either act civil to, or ignore one another.  You will still have to drop off/pick up the kids at each other’s homes. 

Sure, one day they’ll grow up and get their drivers liscenses’ and you’ll be free of each other for a few years, provided nothing severe happens.  But guess what, when your kids grow up, if they get married, you’ll both will be at the wedding.  And later, if they provide you with grandchildren, the cycle will begin again, because the grandkids will have school plays, birthday parties, etc.

When there are children involved, even after divorce, it’s still till death do you part.

5 Responses to “Till Death”

  1. Alyssa Says:

    You are definitely right. Children are a piece of each person and thats a bad sign…those are usually the parents that cause problems later on and then the children get to witness the resentment and the anger..

    It’s so unfortunate. Next time, smack him? Sounds like a good plan to me. 😉

  2. lol, I like the “smack idea”, lol

    Well, as a person who has been divorced for 4 yrs and mother of 3 kids I can testify to the fact that what you are saying is true. If each parent does plan to be active in the children’s life then you will see each other MORE than you want too. Also, if the step-parent is active in the child’s life (or glue to your ex’s side) then you will see them.

    MANY times I end up sitting with my ex and his wife. Our divorce was not pretty and she came on the scene before me and the kids even moved out so, my resentment of her was great. However, I eventually put that aside. We do not have big conversations, but we are cival. Mostly we just ignore each other. She is not a “bad” person though, so, it makes it easier than if she was a b*. She does seem to be over all good to my kids (when she isn’t bitting my little one or burning my kids toys!) My kids all geniune love her so…that means alot to me!!!!!

    Your co-worker may get some freedom for his divorce, but unless he divorces his kids too, he is with her ’till death’ lol

    BTW: Alyson, I love the titles you pick for your blogs, so catchy and perfect for your topics!!!

  3. Alyson Says:

    LOL Alyssa

    Stilldreaming: I really think that’s the best way to handle it, just try to all get along. Thanks for the compliment too!

    We were having some issues with the kids and their mother when we got married and were talking to our pastor about it. He was also a divorced father. I’ll never forget what he told us. He said, “Divorce, when there are kids involved, requires a couple to get along BETTER than they did when they were married.”

  4. That observation from your pastor is excellent. My sister and her ex-husband have four grown children, and eight grandchildren. Her ex-husband remarried and has a fifth child who’s only 8 now. My sister figured out that if she wanted to be with her family she’d have to make allowances, so she spends all her holidays, birthdays, summer cookouts, EVERYTHING, in the company her ex- and his wife (and often her family, too). It’s just the way life is and she’s accepted it and makes the best of it. It sounds like you’ve accepted it also, and it hasn’t stood in the way of your being a good step-mom. That’s admirable, and you’re e a very special person to have made it all work. Because I know from my sister’s experience, it really does take work.

  5. Alyson Says:

    That’s amazing that your sister has that good of a relationship with her ex. She sounds like a saint. Thanks for the compliments, although compared to your sister, I feel unworthy.

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