Breaking Up Is Fun To Do
August 30, 2007
I have made a decision, I’m leaving Chase. You see, I’ve been seeing Chase on the side for years. Even before I met my husband Chase was always there for me. He buys me things, he’s my Sugar Daddy. In the beginning it was all so innocent, just those catalog items that I couldn’t purchase with cash or check, or that Beanie Baby that would complete my collection. But as time went on, and I grew up and my bills increased exponentially, I came to depend on him for so much more. Sometimes he bought our gasoline or groceries, and he was responsible for buying my youngest’s outrageously expensive formula during that first year. Yesterday Chase took care of our electric bill, and it wasn’t the first time. Along with all this necessary stuff, Chase paid for other non-essentials, like a couple of Bon Jovi trips, countless Christmas presents, and regrettably, that crappy hair dye. He only asked that I pay him a little each month.
You may know him by his full name, Chase Gold Mastercard.
You can guess what happened, the amount I owed him got high, so high I didn’t know if I would ever be free of his chains. Additionally, I fell victim to a couple of Chase’s friends, MBNA, CITI and JC Penney’s, although I didn’t fall for them near as hard as I did for Chase. Well, last week we secured a very low interest loan, and today the money finally transfered to our account. This money will allow us to send checks to Chase and MBNA, and maybe even JCPenney with the words “paid in full” in the memo line! As liberating as that in itself will be, it will also decrease our monthly payments, giving us a little breathing room, to where our dependence on plastic will be minimal.
So, this weekend we will, very cereminously, cut Chase into a bunch of tiny shreds. Then I’m going to call him up and tell him, “it’s not you, it’s ………..well, maybe it is you, but don’t worry there are plenty of fish in the sea for you to sink your shark teeth into”. We are going to keep MBNA for emergencies, as it is a reward card for one of our favorite stores. Everyone needs one card, and it might as well be one that you can get some kind of benefit from using!