The Elephant In The Room*

* I totally stole this title from Brian.  I confess.

My apologies to all 2 of my readers for not posting anything worth reading in the last few weeks.  Sure, I could say I haven’t had time, I’ve been busy, blah blah blah, but the truth is, I’ve lost, “it”. 

Things have been stressful at home.  The past month has been rough.  Adjusting to having 2 extra people in the house is tough, financially, physically and emotionally.  There has been alot of yelling, alot of fighting, alot of bickering, and alot of hurt feelings between and among everyone in the house.  No one person is to blame, it’s just adjustment. 

I seem to emerge from these arguments looking like the devil.  My 3 and 5 year old sons often tell me, “mommy, be nice”.  It’s moments like this, when I am pushed to the limit and lash out in anger only to be brought back to earth by my babies, that I feel like an utter failure as a mother. 

I know that in order for our situation to work, I need to let go of some of the control.  I need to realize that teenagers are messy, and that at least these 2 are now keeping their messes confined to their rooms.  I need to realize that teenagers are not going to bring their laundry to the hamper on a daily basis.  I need to leave it alone, to let it pile up until they are down to their tightey whitey’s.  If they have to go somewhere dirty, or naked, it’s their problem, not mine.

Truthfully, I have lost alot of my blog-ability since I changed jobs.  Not having on the clock time to write entries makes it difficult for me to accomplish even the simplest, and briefest of post’s.  I travelled down memory lane, via my old posts, recently and became nostolgic for a time when I was witty about mommyhood and insightful about politics.

I’m trying very hard to become a better person, a better mom and a better step-mom.  The past few days have been calmer, and I can only hope it is a preview of things to come.  Then maybe, just maybe, I’ll get, “it” back.